Past is still past, is it?

Assalamualaikum and hello there,

I had a very longggg sleep last night, which come in package with a very very very weird dream. Weird, I must say. To dream of your long lost ex-bestfriend. The one you never see, never speak to, never meet, never had a chat with for ages. And the funny part is, you never had this slightest thought of him at all. Pelik, tapi sangat terkesan. We could have been a BFF, but we lost it. Too young to realize what's best for us, maybe. Jiwa muda dan jahil. Rapuh dan kalah dengan nafsu. One of the best things ever happened in my life, you are. Thank you for coming even in a short while. You raised me up, yes you did. Thankyou again, you (:

XXX.

The Situation #1

Assalamualaikum and hello there.

Yesterday was the Ramadhan 1st and we were all heading to Bazaar to find some yummylicious food to eat. Honestly I don't really favor going to Bazaar since it will be a bit waste of food and money sometimes, especially when we can't handle our own nafs. However, since these two (Puasa and Bazaar) are like 'isi dan kuku', I kinda of having no choice but to just go and enjoy the tempting smells of high sugar, high salts, high calories, and high carbo foods. It is somehow enjoyable, tho. Looking at the food, searching for jodoh lols. We also managed to trace Dora the Explorer behind the stalls wkwkwkwk. Anyway, I think the most interesting part is when you managed to inhale the black smoke excessively but still be able to produce this one chemical equation of combustion process on the spot with its chemical name. It is where you can proudly answered your pakwe questions like this:

Pakwe: Buat apa tu?

Makwe: Done inhaled excess Carbon Monoxide just now

Kk gerak luu pape jangan rogerrr

XXX.

What it feels like to be jobless?

Assalamualaikum and hello there.

So I'm not this kind of person who surely knows how to do the so called Introduction, prologue (or was it epilogue?), the-very-nice-first-sentence to start with. I don't know what you guys or what WE should have call it and my Bahasa nor English is not as good as the others did (but I am willing to learn and improve so help me with this by correcting my grammars, vocab, etc.) so I decided to just go straight to the point, okay?

I told you once that I had been working my ass off for about 10 months yet not much I have achieved. And there are always time when I feel like resigning, fucking off everything, quit my job, and run back to my family, being childish, do the house chores instead or whatever it takes to be near them and under one roof. I don't earn much. Not much to survive in this bankruptcy era of Malaysia. But alhamdulillah, God had given me enough to just live and survive and still be a khalifah in this world.

I am supposed to be working today. I took leave, applied earlier so it IS LEGAL. It feels good to be at home during this Ramadhan season. Again, makes me feel like quitting my job. But hey, it surely is NOT A VERY GOOD IDEA IS IT? Not earn much is far more better than earn nothing, yeah? We need the money to survive, and to obey God's order too (simple tricks to make people see the importance of having both; dunya and afterlives, balance).

I ended up my studies on June 2015, took one month break making kuih raya at home because Raya is on July and straight up reporting for work at my current company on August 2015. People say I'm a lucky child for being employed before graduating. But the satisfaction is not much I have to say. I only experienced one interview. Passed and work till I cramped my butt. Thanks to God for making my life easier of course. The only thing is, I JUST CANNOT stop myself from wondering how does it feels like to be jobless and waiting for calls of interview like others did? I don't get to rest enough after my studies, and will never be resting from the race-rats-thingy now.

Adult life is always a race. To survive well, they say. But it is seriously tiring. I cannot even stop myself giving out loooooong sigh and serve extra carbon dioxide, sometimes lols. But what choice do I have? I am in the age of needing my own house. My own car. My own independent skills. My own medical cards. Paying for insurance, bills, petrol, kitchen needs, healthy kits, tolls, govs debt, Jibby's bills, Rosemary's make-up sets. Not to mention marriage (I used to say I don't want to get married but now I want. I WANT TO SO GO TO HELL AND MOCK ME AS MUCH AS YOU WANT).

I always pujuk myself saying that it's okay, it will all be fine, pelan-pelan kayuh later you'll reach and gain it, you will. Everything takes time. Make sure that I'm still in my 20's so it is normal to feels tired in the journey of becoming an adult. A responsible one. Help me. Pray that I won't give up and quit my job. I listed out the reason so hopefully I will always remember why I need the fucking job. To those in the same dilemma as mine, I hope you will be strong too.

With love,
And much much love.